My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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