this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
