i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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