Who did Billy Mays play for?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
