My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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