The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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