Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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