So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
