not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We got so high we made milksteak
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
