Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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