yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize