Soap is not a condiment
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
did you just send me my own nude
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
