This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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