Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
