i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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