I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
