Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We are two peas in an std pod
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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