Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
