and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
