Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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