Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
