Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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