It's just like the Real World with babies
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
