it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
