i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
