hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
