I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
