i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
