I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
