You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
