Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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