My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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