I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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