I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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