when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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