so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
