the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize