so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
