Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
