I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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