my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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