Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
