I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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