Rock
Scissors
Fuck
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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