She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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