i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
