It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
