I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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