so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
