Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
