I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
