I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
