Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
foreskin is a definite game changer
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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