His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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