So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
