Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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