I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
