So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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