Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
