I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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