if you like me you must not know who I am
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Houston, we have a squirter
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
