One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
